just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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