I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
