the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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