I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
