I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize