I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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