i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dicks are not precious.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize