Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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