What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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