I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
