i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
