I hate your face
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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