Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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