If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
