This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
