So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
