Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
