I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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