I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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