so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
