I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
