Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
