if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize