Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize