I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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