oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
