So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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