I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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