I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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