You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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