my vag is so smooth its legendary
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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