i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
