So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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