he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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