Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
