My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
