Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
