why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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