Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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