I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
