Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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