Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
