Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
