I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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