Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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