I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
