i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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