This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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