I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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