I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
