3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
