At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
