I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
