I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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