She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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