I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
