I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I cut my penus on the lid.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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