I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
