It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
