i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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