in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
