plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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