i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
