My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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